I used to be extremely competitive with my writing. Oh, not publicly. When someone I knew sold a book or made a bestseller list or got some perk I didn't get, I would congratulate them and pretend to be totally happy.
But inside I would be a mass of insecurity and envy. I was constantly comparing myself to other writers, and always in my mind there was a pecking order. When I would read any of the romance novel magazines and see the splashy ads and read the five-star reviews, I would feel jealous and frustrated.
Not very attractive, eh?
Somewhere along the line I realized something: There is no finite amount of success out there--there's plenty to go around! Just because one person's book made the bestseller list didn't mean I couldn't make it, too. Just because someone I knew got a 50K advance, that didn't mean I couldn't be paid that, too. When other writers succeeded where I hadn't ... yet ... all it meant was that success was possible, for me and for anyone. Not only that, but I realized that when books in my genre received kudos and attention, when the authors were interviewed in national magazines, it was good for the whole genre, which indirectly helped me to succeed.
Now when a friend or a complete stranger achieves something amazing (like when a book by an author acquaintance of mine was nominated for a Pulitzer, of all things!) I can genuinely feel happy and excited for them, because in a way their victory is my victory. It gives me something to shoot for, something to look forward to.
So next time a friend achieves something you secretly wanted for yourself, avoid that unbecomeing shade of green and know in your heart: If she did it, I can do it. Next time it's my turn.
Formerly green,
Kara
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